dean kesler

Thankful to have made it safely back to cottage by 3:00 AM this morning. It was a day of support for the family and funeral logistics. There were nearly as many memories shared as tears shed; grappling with the shock and loss. It was hard not to think back to my own parent's passings and how difficult that was. It was quite heartening to see so much of the extended family helping out, bringing food, and generally pitching in. This evening I sat with a couple of the "old bucks" (as my family would lovingly refer to them) and talked about history and legacy over a cigar and a couple of manhattans. Late that night as I continued to process my thoughts and events from the recent days, I was underprepared for the emotional onslaught. I contemplated what I have brought to this lifetime and what my legacy might be and what I might be remembered for, if at all. I came up with a whole lot of nothing. I'd like to say it was a wakeup call but it felt more like that split second between when you fully realize that something awful is about to happen and right before it actually does. You can only grimace. This was a painful and grueling day; I had it much easier than most. Though it has been extremely difficult on on number of levels, I am grateful to have the awareness to be mindful through all of this. At least there's hope I will get something productive out of it that way.