Every New beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

Certainly don’t mean to be trite with the post title, but I’m trying to look at this situation in the most positive and productive way that I can at this point. These are tremendously dark times for me. Perhaps Alexander Graham Bell stated it more eloquently:

“When one door closes another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.”

Regrettably, the most important relationship I’ve had for the last 17+ years is over. Once a tremendously inspiring, supportive, and nurturing association, the situation has deteriorated into a shell of its former self, like the skin of a molted snake.

Michele & I sent an email message to friends and family “announcing” the end of our relationship. Seemed like a horribly impersonal way to do it. Like choosing divorce for the two of us, the email announcement was the least bad option. It was a balance of wanting to let a lot of people know jointly, and quickly, and to have them “hear” it from us.  Phone calls to everyone was just not practical.

Here are a few significant excerpts:

It is with tremendous sadness that we send this message to let you know that we have decided to end our marriage. We’re sorry to have to tell you this in an email, but we wanted to make sure you heard it directly from us.

While this may come as a surprise and maybe even a shock to many, things have been deteriorating for quite some time. We have worked earnestly through counseling for much of the past year. As of late, it became apparent that divorce was the the least worst option for us. We mutually decided to begin the process last week.

We understand that this news may be difficult for some of you. Please know that while things have changed for us, that last thing we want to do is put anyone in an uncomfortable situation or demand anyone “choose sides”. In situations where you would have normally invited us both, please continue to do so. We don’t expect there to be any issues between the two of us. If there are concerns, the two of us will work them out. For the time being, we will both remain living at our current residence.

We have been incredibly fortunate to have had the time together for the last 17+ years. We have been through much together and been able to accomplish many things with the support of each other. For that we are extremely grateful. We deeply appreciate the love and support from our friends and family, before, during, and after this challenging process.

Respectfully,
Dean and Michele

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Daily Positives – 4/25/2010

  • Day off from training
  • Got some work done on the trim – office door, guest bedroom door, main bath door & linen closet door all stained and poly’d. Started on Guest room closet organizer
  • Bill & Mary E stopped over and dropped off an awesome salmon quiche. It was great catching up.
  • Movie & dinner tonight with friends
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Daily Positives – 4/24/2010

  • Got in the pool this AM after a week off (because of the wounds on my knees) and swam continuously for an hour with no warm up. 20 min was my previous record this season
  • Killer workout today with an hour swim, 4 hour bike , and an hour run. Weather was windy, drizzly, and cold. Bit of a sufferfest and mentally challenging – only makes me stronger for Ironman
  • Pretty chaotic at DQ tonight for their blizzard sale. The shift manager was absolutely unflappable. I was amazed watching her work the register and her incredible patience and courtesy when the customers were being jerks. Even though my order was taken by another customer and it wasn’t realized for 15 min she handled it very well and re-made it personally. I complemented her on her dmeanor and could tell she really appreciated my patience and understanding.
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Daily Positives – 4/23/2010

  • Currently leading an effort at work to retire a slew of management reports we spent a ton of time creating & implementing 2 years ago. While its disappointing to see much of that effort wasted (quite literally), it was that specific initiative that got me first working with management & executives. I recognize & appreciate that opportunity for giving me the chance to prove myself and earn their trust. It clearly was the primary catalyst in getting me where I am at today (at work) and my “stock” is still rising.
  • Got in a 45 min run this evening with no bonk
  • Sitka and I got out for a short walk. Didn’t get too wet
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A Bonk and a Rebound

Needed to do a long run last night, still a pretty apprehensive about having another issue with hypoglycemia. I like doing long runs on the Glacial Drumlin Trail. Its pretty flat, mostly shaded, scenic and easy on the knees as its limestone screenings (hardpack) not asphalt or concrete. Ate perfectly all day – small amounts no more than about 2 hours apart, no processed foods or simple sugars. I had an apple and half serving of pre mix about an hour before, the other half of the premix about 10 min before.

Went in with a solid plan: had Jen on call for problems, had a spot picked on the trail where I could park my car, and run out about 1.5 miles in either direction and had strategic road crossings on either side as well. Prepared more supplies at the car along with the glucose testing kit. All set. Glucose at 116.

Feeling good starting the run. About 35 min into run, felt bonk coming on, but didn’t panic. I ate 2 clif blocks, drank some mix that I had on me and just walked for 5 min hoping it wouldn’t worsen, allow some time for things to absorb, and to really be able to focus on what was happening. When I felt stable, I then jogged slowly for about 15 min to get back to car & test glucose. It was 78. I’m absolutely certain the level was lower than 78 when I felt it coming on. Clearly the 20 minutes & the food has a positive effect on the glucose level. Irritated that I hadn’t carried the test kit with me – just didn’t want to deal with the bulk along with the other more essential stuff in my run belt. At car had a gel & more to drink. Felt ok by that point (less than 10 min),  so started running again. Figured I was close enough to the car that in a few minutes if things got any worse, I’d walk back and bag the run. Amazingly, I started feeling better. Had a clif block almost every mile after with a swallow of my drink mix to wash it down. Tested glucose again about 45 min later and got a 92. Finished the run feeling really good, nearly great. Got in 11 miles. Glucose at the end was 101. Followed up with my typical post work out recovery nutrition. Was tired but think that was entirely from the effort, not from the low glucose. No headache either which seems to always happen.

Learned a couple of things:

  • Reinforced the need to have a solid support plan around my workouts, especially the long ones, and afternoon ones.
  • Eating “perfectly” 3 days in a row including the day of the run, did not prevent a low glucose incident.
  • Combination of eating perfectly day of run and consuming a low glycemic index food & drink 10-60 min before an afternoon run workout did not prevent a low glucose incident.
  • If I can recognize and address bonk symptoms early enough, AND back-off effort level for a brief time, I can still accomplish an extended workout at a reasonably high effort.
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Daily Positives – 4/22/2010

  • Stumbled across what may be an effective tool in my fight against hypoglycemia:  Chromium supplements (from Hammer Nutrition no less!)
  • Respected co-worker asked for facilitation advice today regarding a sticky situation he’s working through with a recently merged manager/supervisor group and their efforts to try new tools and procedures.
  • Saw Mary and Sue (Bobby Z’s sisters) on the trail during my run. Nice to see people you know.
  • Even though I started to bonk about 30 minutes into my run, I took in some food & drink, walked for 5 min and was able to finish my longest run (time & distance) of the season. Finished up feeling really good. Jen was on call & thankfully I didn’t need her assistance.
  • Got in a late walk with Sitka when I got back. We got to see a couple of bats. I was surprised they were active already.
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Daily Positives – 4/21/2010

  • There are still people that love me unconditionally, and I am grateful for that
  • Joan sent a heartwarming email with a pic of the blossoming pear tree Michele and I bought for her and planted with her.  She remembers fondly the day we brought the tree home and thanked us again for the tree, and the great memories.
  • Good ride after work tonight, did intervals and felt stronger as the workout went on. No bonk issues. Jen provided on call support.
  • Great talk with Al tonight. He always provides sound counsel when I need it.
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Daily Positives – 4/20/2010

  • While in waiting for blood draw this AM,  overheard a father reading a book to his 2 children. Guessing it was Spanish, pretty sure he was translating on the fly (amazing to me). I understood very little of what he said but the inflection was extraordinary and the occasional animal noises entertaining. Reminded me of Mom reading to us as children. She was all about the presentation.
  • Was “recommended” to facilitate a large initiative at work involving an external entity (government). I appreciate the trust & confidence management has in me to put me in these situations and that they recognize and capitalize on my unique skill set. It will be a great opportunity for me to work with a C-level executive that I haven’t worked with much previously.
  • Enjoyed a brief walk over lunch at work. Awesome weather.
  • Sitka & I got out for a walk after work.
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Daily Positives – 4/19/2010

Pretty fucking challenging day for positives. But this is a sacred space for exactly that, so that is what shall be delivered…

  • Jen checked in on me to make sure things were ok
  • Meeting I was facilitating this AM started terribly. Phone issues for conference call and overhead projector issues. Kept my cool and got through everything we needed to get through with time to spare
  • Was able to get a same-day appointment with my doctor to check in on the blood glucose issue
  • Decent run after work. Michele offered to come along to make sure I was ok, which was extremely considerate of her.
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Daily Positives – 4/18/2010

  • Wasn’t planned, but I had an opportunity openly and directly express some of my concerns and frustrations (& “vent” to an extent) about the current state of our relationship to Michele.
  • Good ride with the SBR gang to New Glarus. Felt a little bit better than yesterday, but not quite 100% yet
  • Hung out with Bobby Z, helped out a little bit with wiring a ceiling fan and talked training over a bottle of wine.
  • Sitka & walked a bit and Michele came out to join us.
  • The GDFB’s loved the video I made for them of the house and I got to skype with them & Laurel and Norm tonight so they could thank me
  • Productive discussion with Michele tonight. Not the outcome I had hoped for, but it looks like things are at least going to be resolved.
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